Signs Your Friendship Is Over

How do you know when your friendship is over? ❤️‍🩹

If you’ve come to this article, chances are something feels off with a friend in your life. I’d like to start by saying, don’t disregard your gut feelings.

Hey, I’m Vanessa, a soul-centered entrepreneur and connection researcher who's been studying friendship and human bonds for over a decade. As the former CEO & Partner of #WeAllGrow (acquired March 2025), I've had my fair share of relationships that went from "this is my best friend for life!!" to we barely speak anymore 😣. Through my journey of building communities, navigating business partnerships, and yes, experiencing friendship breakups, I've learned that understanding when to hold on and when to let go is one of life's most important skills. This advice comes from my personal experiences, years of connection research, and real talk I've shared with the thousands of women I've mentored about how to navigate how to end a friendship gracefully and recognize the signs of a toxic friendship versus natural growing apart.

Breakups are hard, especially so with a friend because there is so much grey area. There are some telltale and also some not so obvious signs that your friendship has run its course.

This doesn't have to end badly, but we know that sometimes life doesn’t work that way. What I can tell you is that it will be uncomfortable, but I find that a self-aware person usually knows when things are no longer the same. It's the acknowledgment of the realness of the situation that makes it harder to digest.

Before I get into the signs, my personal opinion is that you should always wish that person well. At some point in your relationship, you couldn't have imagined not having that person as your ride or die. I want you to know that in order for you to truly move on and make peace with the situation, forgiveness is the first step to healing and moving on.

As you grow older and evolve, it's only natural that all of the relationships in your life will see some change. Even in the healthiest of relationships, the frequency of communication could and will change and that's likely due to time vested, intrapersonal dynamics, and the level of trust that was developed throughout the years. There are some core values that act as an invisible string between your relationship that keeps your friendship together, despite location, time zone, life change, and even fluctuation in your communication. I recommend you take inventory of your friendships and even journal about them. I’ve come to find that it helps to look back instead of allowing your own memory to give you a realistic depiction of what may have transpired.

On the other hand, you can also say adios in the most compassionate and mature way possible, when the invisible strings are no longer holding your friendship together.

Red Flags vs. Growing Apart: Know the Difference

Before we dive into the signs, let's get clear on something important. There's a difference between a toxic friendship that needs to end immediately and a friendship that's naturally running its course.

Red flags include: manipulation, consistent disrespect, boundary violations, or someone who actively tries to sabotage your happiness. These friendships need swift action.

Growing apart looks like: different life priorities, natural communication decline, or simply outgrowing each other's energy. These friendships deserve gentleness and grace as you navigate the transition.

So, how do you know when to move that person to the "someone I used to know" box? Sounds harsh right? That's because it is and there's nothing wrong with that. Here are 10 signs that your friendship is over.

In fact, telltale sign #1 that your friendship has run its course: you only communicate out of obligation or because you feel bad

I had a friend that I would literally text right after going number 2. Yep you are reading right my friends. We were that close. Since our teenage years we would speak about the things that felt taboo to speak about out loud. Not with this friend. At the peak of our friendship, she was the first person I would go to for anything. Now, she doesn't even have my new cell number. It was a gradual decline, one that I began to witness when I started prioritizing my needs because I became tired and resentful of always helping her clean up her mess. She also met new friends and I began to notice how differently she acted around them. There were many things in between that was enough for me to say, i'm done with this, but the #1 sign for me was that I cared less and less about texting or calling her.

Sign #2: You get left on read

When you message something important, something that is worthy of a response, and you don't get one. It's the equivalent of getting left on read. A friend responds whether you'll like the answer or not. Now, they don't need to respond right away, but to read your text or listen to your voice note and not have the decency to respond? That person is simply not prioritizing you or willing to take the time to respond. (I do want to note that sometimes we get distracted and respond in our heads and forget to text. This sign is specifically for friends to whom you've sent more than one message and you don't even get a response—especially when you see them posting on social media all the time.)

In fact, when I've been energetically tapped and know I don't have bandwidth, I'll express that so my friends don't think I'm ignoring them. Something like "Hey babe, I see your message and want to give you a proper response when I have the mental space. Can I circle back tomorrow?" It takes 30 seconds to send that kind of text, but it shows you care enough to acknowledge them.

Listen, not everyone has stellar communication skills. However, with any type of relationship, proper and consistent communication is the glue. If you're seeking your friend for advice, sharing life-shattering news, or going through something major and you get short responses or barely any response at all, that's a sign your friendship is over. A real friend doesn't leave you hanging when it matters most.

I do want to caveat this by saying that sometimes when people go through things, they deal by closing themselves off. We don't know what's going on in someone else's mind, so before you take your friend off your holiday greeting card list, check in to make sure they're okay.

Since I am a fan of direct communication, here is an example: "Hey, you okay? I noticed we're not speaking as often as we normally do, and I don't want to assume it's because of me or us, but if it is, let me know. I'd love to talk about it."

I have tried this exact text twice. With one friend, she responded two days later saying "been busy with work", her usual short response and nothing more. Never addressed her lack of responsiveness. With another friend, she let me know that she was indeed dealing with stuff and wanted alone time but assured me that it had nothing to do with me or us. You see, when you care about someone and they mean something to you, you can be honest and let them know that you just need time alone.

Sign #3: Gossiping about your friend

This one may not be so obvious and you likely mean no harm by it, but if you find yourself gossiping about your friend (or the other way around), then something isn’t right. If things were cool as they should be, why wouldn't you be speaking to your friend directly instead of about them?

You want people who speak highly of you, advocate on your behalf, and most importantly not talk sh*t about you. If you get the sense that someone is doing a lot of talking behind your back, address it. Don't base it off assumptions, get yourself closure and go straight to the source. I will give you an example. I used to have a friend that enjoyed spreading gossip by lying about things that were said. She would create so much drama in our group of friends that we staged an intervention of sorts. We met up and decided to fact check the stories we've been hearing and realized that all of the lies and misinformation was coming from one person. So we confronted her. Looking back, I'd probably handle it at one of our homes instead of a bar but we were worried she would act out and wanted to do it in a public place. She admitted that she was gossiping and in a unanimous way, ended our friendship with her. It was brutal for both sides.

My friendships are built on trust and on the fact that the friends I have today would speak so damn highly of me that people would want to meet me and chill with me before even meeting me! I do that in return for my friends, because we realize that to build good and long-lasting mature friendships, lies, gossip, and jealousy can't exist in healthy relationships. Trust and respect are values that must be mutually upheld.

If you need a few more reasons before making up your mind, here are some other signs that can tell you if your friendship is over:

Sign #4: You only catch up on social media

Like it or not, friends talk to one another. Whether it's a silly text exchange, a voice note, a tag on social media, or even a meaningful DM. Only seeing them in a virtual world and not engaging outside of that, no longer qualifies that person as your bff.

I had a friend who I realized I only knew about through Instagram stories. Her new job, her relationship drama, even her family updates—I was learning everything through her posts rather than actual conversations. When I noticed I was double-tapping her life instead of living it with her, I knew we had drifted into acquaintance territory.

Sign #5: They are not growing and evolving with you

Part of existing in this lifetime is the privilege of evolving emotionally, spiritually, physically, and also financially. Notice if your friend is wanting to remain where they are and lacks awareness regarding your changing priorities. They might dismiss your new interests as "phases," roll their eyes at your personal development journey, or make you feel guilty for outgrowing old habits and patterns that no longer serve you.

I experienced this with a college friend who would consistently make jokes about my "fancy" career moves and new interests, like she preferred the old version of me that felt safer to her. Growth became something to mock rather than celebrate. When someone can't celebrate your evolution or feels threatened by your expansion, it's a clear sign you've grown in different directions.

Sign #6: They aren't present during important moments in your life

Take a moment to think: when you were going through something and wanted comfort from a friend, did that person even cross your mind? When I was going through my divorce, there were friends I instinctively reached out to and others who literally didn't cross my mind.

One friend I'd known for years wasn't someone I even thought to call during one of the hardest periods of my life. I realized that I didn't feel safe confiding in them about this life-altering moment because I had witnessed how they judged others going through similar situations. I worried that they would judge me instead of comfort me during my most vulnerable time. That told me everything I needed to know about where our friendship really stood—when life gets real, you want people in your corner who will hold space for your pain, not people who make you question whether you're "doing it right."

Sign #7: You experienced your first fight and they move into victim mode instead of trying to understand

Friendships are built on how you move past confrontation. The reality is that at some point in the friendship, there will be fuck-ups. Perhaps something was said that stung, a situation that didn't go as planned, or a lie that was told. We're human—it happens. However, if your friend can't seem to move past it because making you the villain fits their narrative better than taking accountability, that's a problem.

A friend and I had a disagreement about how a conversation about delivering bad news could've gone differently. Yet instead of trying to understand the complexity of the situation, they acted on the stories they kept telling themselves about my intentions. They chose to sever the friendship because they didn't get what they wanted in the way they would've wanted it. When your friendship is evolving, part of the growth and learning is understanding each other's argument and communication styles. But if a friend is so stuck on how you delivered news and can't get past that, then they want you as a friend that fits their boxes—not the real, multifaceted you. A true friend will sit in the discomfort of conflict and work through it with you, not run away and rewrite the story to protect their ego.

Sign #8: You're 100% ok with the fact that you no longer speak

And conversations feel awkward when you do. Sometimes we hit bumps in the road when it comes to communication because we're continuously evolving, but if you're not getting deep at least once a year and your conversations stay surface level, they're not really a close friend anymore. There are levels to friendship, and if you don't think of this person when you need real support or want to share exciting news, they've moved into acquaintance territory. When I realized I was having more meaningful conversations with the barista at my local coffee shop than with a friend I'd known for over ten years, it was a wake-up call. If you find yourself dreading their calls or feeling relieved when plans get canceled, your body is telling you something important—listen to it.

Sign #9: It's become a one-way relationship

You're the one texting, calling, remembering birthdays, always checking in. But this goes deeper than just communication—it's about someone who has become energetically draining and isn't even trying to help themselves. This is challenging because you don't want to fall into toxic codependency, but you also care about them.

Friendship is about reciprocity. There are seasons where you'll be the therapist, and others where you're handling your own messy middle while they hold you down. That's normal and beautiful. But if you are constantly pouring into someone who only calls when they need something, never asks how you're doing, and refuses to take any action on the advice you give them, this is not a friendship—you have a dependent you can't even claim on your taxes.

I had a friend who would call me in crisis mode every few weeks with the same problems, wanting me to fix her life over the phone. But when I'd suggest therapy, setting boundaries with her toxic ex, or literally any step toward change, she'd dismiss it all and call me again the next week with the same drama. Meanwhile, she never once asked about my life, my struggles, or how I was holding up. I realized I had become her unpaid therapist, not her friend. Real friendship requires both people to show up and grow up.

Sign #10: They Broke Cardinal Rules

This is the big one—the friendship enders that cross lines no healthy relationship should ever cross. These aren't misunderstandings or growing pains; these are dealbreakers that show a fundamental lack of respect for you as a person.

Cardinal rules include: sleeping with your significant other, sabotaging an important moment in your life (like spreading rumors before your wedding or undermining you at work), putting hands on you (I don't care how many Housewives episodes you've seen, putting your hands on someone is never okay), creating constant distress and fights within your other relationships, pathological lying, stealing from you, or consistently breaking promises when you need them most.

But here's what's tricky about cardinal rule violations—they often don't happen in isolation. They're usually the culmination of smaller boundary crossings you might have overlooked. Maybe they started by "joking" about your relationship, then escalated to inappropriate flirting, and eventually crossed the ultimate line. Or perhaps they began with small lies that grew into elaborate deceptions that left you questioning your own reality.

When someone violates these cardinal rules, it’s so hard to come back from it. This isn't about forgiveness being weakness—it's about recognizing that some actions reveal someone's true character in a way that can't be unseen. You don't owe anyone a friendship that costs you your peace, safety, or sanity.

I've seen women try to salvage friendships after cardinal rule violations because of shared history or fear of confrontation. But here's the truth: someone who truly valued your friendship would never put it at risk by crossing these lines in the first place. When someone shows you who they are through their actions, believe them. How do you avoid this? Share your deal breakers with your friend. Ensure that you communicate your boundaries because the truth is that people’s thresholds vary.

Recognizing these signs can be painful, but it's also empowering. You deserve friendships that add to your life, not drain from it.

If you've recognized these signs in your friendship, you're probably wondering 'what now?' Whether you want to salvage what you can or end things gracefully, I've got you covered. Check out my guide on How to End a Friendship Gracefully (And When to Fight for It Instead)—because knowing when to hold on and when to let go is one of life's most important skills.

About Vanessa Santos @vanessasantosfein

Vanessa is a soul-centered leader on sabbatical, writing about her free fall journey and building her next enterprise from consciousness and joy. After 20+ years as a corporate executive turned conscious entrepreneur, she's now diving deep into the generational gifts that fuel her unconventional path.

As a Human Design Reflector who believes business is spiritual and pleasure is a practice, Vanessa has graced stages from Forbes Most Powerful Women to Univision, sharing her honest approach to life and leadership.

Join the journey: Subscribe to Letters from the In-Between, where she honors the beautiful transitions that shape our lives. Because the space between who we were and who we're becoming is where the real magic happens.

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